When one Sex Suffers, both Sexes Suffer: Ignoring is NOT an Option.
COMING SOON….. 11 Days!!
Schools do a poor job in developing students’ non-cognitive skills. Since this is a known fact, this may be a contributor as to why boys are not entering college as they once did and yes, boys are facing many life challenges and these new male concerns cannot be fixed through standardized test. Instead, it requires school districts, communities, leaders, families, and mental health workers to focus on behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, and social emotional skills that set students up to excel in school and most of all throughout life.
Book will be on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, LuLu and 40 International Outlets.
Misogyny perpetuates harmful stereotypes about masculinity, and pressuring men to conform to rigid ideals of dominance and emotional suppression. Making it difficult for men to express their emotions and discouraging men from seeking help or mental health support (Murphy, 2025). In addition, misogyny discourages men or in many ways prevent men from having healthy and respectful relationships and more. As we know, men make up 80% of all suicides in America and die by suicide 4 times higher than females. Many of these suicides are as a result of men buying into misogynistic beliefs and immature masculinity.
Research suggests males who strongly buy into the misogyny beliefs and masculine norms are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and have difficulty getting the help they need.
Coming Soon (12 Days)!!
My book, Shadows of Power: One Gender Rose. One Lost Its Way. A Zero-Sum Reckoning for Us All, tells the story of how boys and men lost their footing—and how we can help them find their way back. This isn’t a lament for lost dominance. It’s a call for shared healing. For parents raising sons, for schools shaping boys, for communities seeking balance—the roadmap is here.
Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, LuLu and several other digital platforms!!
Parents, educators, and families—this one is for you. In 2 days, my book Shadows of Power: One Gender Rose. One Lost Its Way. A Zero-Sum Reckoning for Us All will be released. If you’re raising a son, teaching boys, mentoring young men—or wondering why so many men are struggling—this book pulls back the curtain. It’s about what’s happening to boys and men, and why the health of families and communities depends on addressing it now.
In just 2 days, the conversation changes. Shadows of Power: One Gender Rose. One Lost Its Way. A Zero-Sum Reckoning for Us All is not just another book on gender—it’s a mirror held up to our society. While women rose, men fell behind: in schools, in families, in mental health, in purpose. This isn’t about blame. It’s about survival. If you’re a parent, educator, policymaker—or simply someone who cares about the next generation—this book is for you.
The title “Shadows of Power: One Gender Rose. One Lost Its Way. A Zero-Sum Reckoning for Us All.” is rich with layered meaning. Here’s a breakdown:
“Shadows of Power”
This suggests:
The unseen consequences of power shifts.
How power leaves behind shadows—emotional, cultural, and social impacts that linger.
The complex, often dark legacy of who holds power and who doesn’t.
It sets a reflective, almost haunting tone about the cost of power dynamics.
“One Gender Rose.”
This refers to:
The historic rise of women in education, politics, and society.
The long-overdue progress made toward gender equity and empowerment.
“One Lost Its Way.”
This signals:
The decline or crisis of men and boys in key areas—education, identity, purpose, mental health.
That while one gender gained footing, the other struggled with disconnection, confusion, or loss.
“A Zero-Sum Reckoning for Us All.”
This brings it together:
Society is now facing the consequences of thinking in zero-sum terms—that one gender’s rise means the other must fall.
It’s a reckoning for everyone, both men and women.
It suggests the urgency of moving beyond this win/lose model toward something more cooperative, sustainable, and human.
“As women rose in power and status, men lost their way. But the real crisis is that we’ve treated gender progress like a zero-sum game—where one must fall for the other to rise. That false belief has led us all to a breaking point.”
In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy stated loneliness and social isolation is a national public health crisis. Dr. Murthy believes loneliness should be treated with the same urgency as tobacco use, obesity, and substance abuse. He stressed that loneliness is a significant threat to people and societal health, contributing to increased risks of heart disease by 29%, stroke by 32%, dementia by 50%, anxiety, depression, and early death. “A 2021 study commissioned by the Cigna healthcare company showed 79% of people ages 18 to 24 reported feeling lonely— a rate nearly twice as high as that of seniors ages 66 and older” (LA Times, 2023).
Male loneliness is increasingly being recognized as a serious social issue. According to Dilhara (2025), one of the primary drivers of male loneliness is social isolation. While both men and women tend to experience a shrinking circle of friends as they age, this trend is more pronounced among men. Many men lose close friendships over time, and without strong social ties, loneliness becomes a silent epidemic.
Economic Stress and Self-Worth
Job insecurity also plays a significant role. Men facing unstable employment or lacking a reliable income often experience a decline in self-worth. This economic strain doesn’t just impact their mental health, it also affects their ability to build or maintain romantic relationships. In today’s dating landscape, dominated by apps, many women are competing for the top 10% of men, leaving the remaining 90% feeling invisible or left behind.
Picture taken March 2024 Las Vegas, Nevada
The Disappearance of Third Spaces & Toxic Masculinity and Emotional Isolation
As Liu (2024) notes, the decline of third spaces are places outside the home and work where people can connect, has further fueled loneliness. With fewer community centers, clubs, or informal gathering spaces, opportunities for organic male friendships have declined. There must be opportunities for connection with others. Humans long for other humans.
Another critical factor is toxic masculinity. This cultural norm teaches men to suppress their emotions— “Don’t cry,” “Man up”equating emotional vulnerability with weakness. Liu (2024) argues that this toxic framework discourages men from sharing feelings, fearing social ridicule or being labeled as weak or unmanly. As a result, many men internalize their pain, increasing their risk of depression, substance abuse, and even cardiovascular disease.
Men are often discouraged from confiding in other men due to fears of being perceived as overly emotional or even homosexual. This adds another barrier to forming genuine, supportive male friendships. Instead, men often rely on superficial connections, talking about sports or politics, rather than their inner struggles. This silence reinforces isolation, a central element of toxic masculinity or a better name, “immature masculinity.”
Gender Differences in Coping and Connection
According to a 2025 Pew Research survey, women are significantly more likely than men to turn to their social networks for emotional support. While 4 in 10 adults report sometimes feeling lonely, 47% say they hardly ever or never feel lonely. Interestingly, the most significant loneliness gaps are not between men and women but among different age groups.
Younger adults under 50 are much more likely to report frequent loneliness (22%) compared to those 50 and older (9%). In fact, 66% of people aged 65 and older say they never feel lonely (Goodard & Parker, 2025).
Women are also more likely to seek emotional support from various sources:
Mother: 54% of women vs. 42% of men
A friend: 54% women vs. 38% men
Another family member: 44% women vs. 26% men
A mental health provider: 22% women vs. 16% men
Male Disconnection Hurts Everyone
Men are reporting fewer friendships, romantic relationships, and social bonds. This is linked to:
Higher rates of loneliness, depression, and violence
A shrinking marriage pool and declining birth rates
A loss of community fabric that affects women and children, too
As men disconnect, families weaken, workplaces suffer, and democracy frays. Boys and Men are in need of tremendous help.
Education, Income, and Loneliness
Far too many men are choosing not to go to college for whatever reason. Goodard & Parker (2025) found that emotional well-being is closely linked to education, income, and marital status. Individuals with lower income, those who are unmarried, or who have not completed college are more likely to feel lonely frequently. Another reason why education is so powerful and benefits one until their death and even in death.
The Role of Social Connection in Health
Social connection is foundational to human well-being. It positively affects mental, physical, and emotional health. It boosts self-esteem, lowers anxiety, and improves empathy. Beard (2025) highlights that strong social bonds can lower cortisol levels, reducing stress and improving longevity. Social connection is also associated with lower risks of heart disease, stroke, and other chronic illnesses.
Importantly, 80% of people who die by suicide are men (Owen, 2024). Developing social connections helps men cope with life’s challenges and build emotional resilience.
Strategies to Promote Social Connections & Reduce Suicide Risk in Men
Develop Peer Support Groups Create initiatives similar to Andy’s Man Club in the UK. This peer-led men’s mental health group meets weekly and offers a safe space for men to share their feelings.
Promote Men’s Sheds Encourage the development of Men’s Sheds—workshops where men collaborate on hands-on projects like fixing engines or woodworking. These spaces foster belonging, purpose, and camaraderie.
Create Safe Emotional Spaces Advocate for environments where men can openly discuss their mental health. Promote public messaging that challenges stereotypes and normalizes emotional expression.
Why Men Matter—and Why Society Should Care
We must suspend our differences for the purpose of focusing on male loneliness as well as other pressing concerns men are facing in the modern era, such as the massive incarceration and poor mental health. Men matter because they are integral to families, communities, economies, and future generations. Yet, in recent decades, growing mental health challenges, educational gaps, declining labor force participation, and rising social disconnection have signaled a crisis in male well-being. Addressing this isn’t just a “men’s issue”—it’s a societal one.
References
Beard, T. (2025). The health effects of human connection: Why relationships matter. Social Wellness Publishing.
Dilhara, S. (2025). Male disconnection: A growing social crisis. Journal of Modern Psychology, 48(2), 122–134.
Goodard, M., & Parker, R. (2025). Loneliness in America: A generational divide. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org
Liu, J. (2024). Third spaces, toxic masculinity, and the loneliness of men. Mental Health Today, 33(4), 56–72.
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in America. In 2023 alone, more than 49,000 people died by suicide—averaging one death every 11 minutes. This article focuses on men and their mental health challenges, particularly as suicide disproportionately affects them. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC, 2025), 12.8 million adults seriously contemplated suicide, 3.7 million made a plan, and 1.5 million attempted suicide in the same year.
Men are experiencing critical mental health challenges, and suicide ranks as the most alarming. Males accounted for 39,046 of the 49,316 suicides in 2023, making up nearly 80% of total deaths by suicide. Middle-aged white men, in particular, have the highest suicide rates. Other demographics, such as Black and Hispanic males, while lower in total numbers, are experiencing increased rates over time.
Suicide by Demographics: U.S.A. 2023 Official Final Data
Demographic
Suicides
Rate per 100,000
White Male
33,600
26.8
Black Male
3,267
14.8
Hispanic Male
5,281
12.3
American Indian/Alaska Native
637
14.2
Asian
1,443
6.7
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. Though women tend to report higher rates of depression and anxiety, they also seek therapy at greater rates. In 2023, 28.5% of women sought counseling compared to only 17% of men. A national survey reported that 72% of men would rather do household chores than see a doctor (Field, 2024).
Method of Suicide
Method
Percent
Count
Firearm
55.36%
27,300
Suffocation
24.38%
12,023
Poisoning
12.10%
5,944
Other
8.21%
4,049
Mental Health Problems Common Among Men
Depression is the most common mental illness affecting over 6 million men annually (Field, 2024). Despite this, many men avoid therapy or downplay symptoms. Schizophrenia also affects men more than women and typically presents earlier in men by 3–4 years (NIMH). Substance abuse, particularly involving alcohol and opioids, is a significant issue. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (2022) reports men are more likely to misuse substances and suffer the consequences.
Demographic Breakdown and Disparities
White males represent 69% of all male suicide deaths.
Black males: 3,267 suicides in 2023 (14.8 per 100,000), four times the rate of Black women.
Hispanic males: 4,157 suicides in 2023 (12.3 per 100,000), with significantly lower rates of mental health treatment.
Leading Causes of Male Suicide
Mental Illness: Over 90% of those who die by suicide had a diagnosable mental illness.
Substance Abuse: Nearly 1 in 3 who die by suicide were intoxicated.
Social Isolation: Recognized by the U.S. Surgeon General as a public health risk.
Access to Firearms: Over half of suicides involve guns (Harvard, 2023).
Economic Stress: Financial crises are strongly correlated with suicide (Chang et al., 2013).
Stigma and Lack of Access: Many men avoid help due to toxic masculinity or fear of being seen as weak.
Substance Use Disorder and Men
Defined by DSM-5 as a recurring pattern of substance use leading to significant impairment. Men are:
More likely to engage in binge drinking and early substance use.
Twice as likely as women to develop dependence.
More likely to experience overdose and hospitalization.
At greater risk of trauma-related SUD, especially veterans and those with PTSD.
Connolly (2019) reported that 40% of suicide deaths involve alcohol, 30% opioids, and 21% cannabis.
Help-Seeking and Recovery
Men are often hesitant to seek help due to stigma and a culture of emotional suppression. Treatment, however, is effective. Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are time-limited and results-focused. Medications and trauma-informed care can also support recovery.
Resources for Men’s Mental Health
National Agencies:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call/text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org
NAMI: 1-800-950-NAMI, nami.org
SAMHSA: 1-800-662-HELP, samhsa.gov
Men-Focused Organizations:
Man Therapy: mantherapy.org
HeadsUpGuys: headsupguys.org
Men’s Health Network: menshealthnetwork.org
Movember Foundation: us.movember.com
Local to Illinois:
Lake County Behavioral Health: (847) 377-8180
Contributing Factors to Substance Abuse in Men
Cultural Pressures: Men hide emotional distress.
Undiagnosed Mental Illness: Often untreated due to stigma.
Occupational Risks: Higher exposure to injuries and pain medications.
Isolation: Reduced social networks.
Impacts
Health risks like liver disease, heart issues, HIV, and hepatitis.
Mental illness, criminal justice involvement, family breakdown.
In 2023, opioid overdoses led to over 70,000 deaths, with men representing 70–75% of those deaths. Men aged 25–54 were the most vulnerable. Fentanyl alone accounted for 75% of male drug-related deaths.
By addressing these issues through early intervention, trauma-informed care, and community support, we can improve the lives—and save the lives—of men battling mental illness and substance use. To ignore the dire help and attention men need simply hurts men, parents, children and the community. Most of all, the sustainability of life as we know it becomes immensely threatened when one sex suffers. When one sex suffers both sexes suffer. Taking a zero sum stance in this matter is not recommended. Men and women both can be helped at the same time. We can no longer overlook our fathers, bothers, uncles, sons, male friends, or male neighbors. Neglect should not be an option. If you know of anyone suffering from mental health, please seek medical attention immediately.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2019). Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html
Chang, S. S., et al. (2013). Impact of 2008 global economic crisis on suicide: Time trend study in 54 countries. BMJ, 347, f5239. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.f5239
Connolly, A. (2019). The silent struggle: Understanding substance abuse in men. Substance Use Policy Journal.
Field, M. (2024). Why men don’t go to the doctor. Men’s Health and Wellness Journal, 22(3), 3-6.
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (2024). Men and mental health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2022). Key substance use and mental health indicators in the United States: Results from the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health. https://www.samhsa.gov/data
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2023). Surgeon general’s advisory on social connection. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
World Health Organization (WHO). (2023). Suicide fact sheet. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide
I appreciate this very informative article for sure. I have read this article and support the literature and the findings. Please see the valuable research around the impact of trauma after car accidents.
After a traumatic accident, addressing mental health is crucial, as the event can impact an individual’s mental well-being. Traumatic accidents often lead to various challenges such as PTSD, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. That’s why we made a new resource about mental health after a traumatic accident. Check it out below:
Mental trauma after an accident can severely limit your ability to resume regular activities. It is normal to experience distress after a car accident, but treatment may be necessary if it is prolonged and interferes with daily functioning. The right support makes recovery from emotional trauma after a car accident attainable.
During a car accident, a series of events can unfold that can cause lasting emotional trauma, including life-altering injuries, the threat of death, and the death of someone else. Emotional trauma is a natural response to such a dramatic chain of events. It is a function of the brain’s complex survival mechanisms.
Emotional trauma from a car accident should not be viewed as a weakness, but as a type of injury that may require treatment for the best possible outcome, much like any physical injury.
President Barack Obama’s signing of Every Student Succeed Act mandates states to address at least one non-academic measure in their district’s accountability systems. Gabrielli, Ansel, & Krachman, 2015, suggest non-cognitive skills support cognitive skills. However, non-cognitive and cognitive skills can be measured independently but yet they are interdependent. It is true to say students with stronger non-cognitive stills also demonstrate high academic achievement throughout a student’s educational years which includes college. Not only great college performance, but strong non-cognitive skills are needed to effectively navigate adulthood’s many challenges which demand grit and perseverance (Chetty, 2011; Heckman & Robinstein, 2001; & Plug, 2006). Scholars, universities, and society at large more than not view educated people solely through the cognitive lens. Although, it is clear cognition along has a basic to mildly moderate track record. However, when cognitive skills are supported with non-cognitive skills, the positive results and possibilities can be infinite.
It sounds like Dr. Kevin Brown’s workshops will be incredibly insightful, especially for educators, school administrators, and anyone working with students. His focus on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and trauma-informed practices is particularly important, as it aligns with a growing awareness of how early life experiences can significantly impact a child’s development and behavior in school settings.
Attending the National Student Safety and Security Conference in Orlando, Florida, in April 2025, Houston, TX, in October 2025, and August 6-8 in New York would be a great opportunity for professionals to learn practical strategies for addressing trauma, fostering resilience, and supporting students in a more holistic way. Dr. Brown’s expertise could provide valuable tools for creating environments where both boys and girls can thrive, taking into account their developmental needs and life experiences.
For anyone attending, the workshops would likely cover essential topics like how to build trauma-informed schools, understanding the impact of ACEs, strategies for improving emotional regulation, and promoting positive behavior without punitive measures. It could be a transformative experience for those who want to better support their students’ mental and emotional well-being.
Are you planning on attending one of these workshops, or is there a specific aspect of Dr. Brown’s work you’re most interested in?
Dr. Kevin Brown’s of Waukegan, IL. argument brings attention to the disparities boys face in educational systems and how their developmental needs may be overlooked. His focus on non-cognitive skills such as self-regulation is important because it emphasizes a deeper understanding of the developmental differences between boys and girls, particularly in how their brains mature. Mothers and fathers always have questions about their boys because boys are consistently compared to girls during boys very early years of life. More than not, boys are not broken. Males’ brain tends to develop later than females. This doesn’t make him broke. It’s simply what nature intended for the males and females.
Boys, on average, tend to have a slower development of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and attention. This can result in behaviors that may be misinterpreted as defiance, immaturity, or lack of focus, when in fact, they may simply be a product of their developmental timeline. Brown’s suggestion to stop penalizing boys for behaviors they may not have full control over highlights the need for a more tailored, empathetic approach in how we educate and guide them.
His belief that schools, judicial organizations, and communities should invest in helping boys develop into productive young men points to the importance of providing support systems that focus on building those non-cognitive skills—like emotional regulation, empathy, and resilience—rather than simply disciplining them for perceived shortcomings. These changes could involve incorporating more interactive and movement-based learning, creating mentorship programs, and advocating for school policies that allow boys more flexibility in managing their behavior and learning styles.
It’s an important discussion that ties developmental neuroscience to real-world social outcomes, suggesting that we rethink educational strategies to foster all students’ potential, recognizing that their developmental paths may differ. What do you think could be the first step in addressing these concerns in schools?
